I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I see more hoeing in ur future
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