he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
