i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
