his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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