I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
no, he came in my armpit
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
a search helicopter?!
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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