sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
