I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
