Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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