Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
