He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
