So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
