the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Is this like a preordered booty call?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
