i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
