Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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