She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
