I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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