I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
