I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
