Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
