my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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