Already got asked if we're dating
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
