I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
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