She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
