Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
