Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
These tits shall not be calmed
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
