I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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