I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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