It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
