At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Is it because I queefed?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
