Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize