Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
i think im in europe. pls send help
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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