I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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