im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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