Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Randomize
