you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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