the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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