So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
