I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
