I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
third nipple confirmed
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
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