"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
