i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
