I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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