God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
