I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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