There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
