what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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