Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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