Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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