Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
And then he peed in my hair
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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