i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
