who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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