He is such a slut. More and more my type.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
