Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Come on in and take your pants off
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