she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
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