I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
