help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
